The suffocating smell of old books fills the closed room.
Stepping through the open door, Subaru's mouth dropped open in shock, his attention drawn to the stale smell and visual cues, before realising half a step too late that he'd stepped on a different floor than where he wanted to be.
--And that delay in recognition leads to a fatal delay.
"Forbidden Library…!?"
He had wandered the entire mansion searching, but now he had finally arrived at the place he had never found before. An unwanted timing, an unexpected opportunity, it created a void in Subaru's heart, stealing all of the time until the door clanged shut behind him.
"----!"
As if a breeze had hit him from outside, Subaru's body was sucked into the library. The door closed with the same force, creating a breeze that tickled the nape of Subaru's neck.
He turned around at the sound of something loud, and when he saw that a door had separated the hallway from the room, he realized something was wrong.
The meaning behind the Forbidden Archive being opened here, and then its doors being closed――
"Ah, open it――!!"
He started to reach for the doorknob, but when he noticed that his right arm had already lost its shape, he impatiently reached out his left arm. His bloody fingertips made a loud noise as he turned the doorknob, but for some reason the knob turned, but did not convey its intention to open or close the door. It spun aimlessly, making a loud noise that only aroused Subaru's sense of impatience.
"--No matter how much you try and struggle, it's useless."
And as Subaru was frantically struggling against the door, a voice came from behind him.
Turning around as if bounced, Subaru leaned his back against the door and faced the girl in front of him - who had appeared from the back of the library, looking coldly at him.
Long, cream-colored curly hair, a luxurious and glittering dress, a small body, and a cute yet annoying face - all of these things were exactly the same as the girl Subaru knew.
"Beatrice..."
"It looks pretty bad. Please don't move around too much, you'll get the floor of the library dirty..."
"Now! Open the door! Let me out!"
As she coldly examines his wounds, Subaru ignores everything she says and yells at her. Not even hearing her tell him not to bleed, he shakes his right arm, which is still bleeding and in a terrible state,
"At the same time, did you just see him now?! At the same time! Now?! Bring him back! Hurry! Now! Now!!"
"…I wonder what will happen if you go back. Betty has no idea what you will be able to do if you return with such a disgraceful injury."
"I'm the one who knows best when it comes to big things!! But, whatever!!"
He had no wish to return to that place and face Elsa face-to-face. He wanted to enter the room Subaru was meant to enter, go to the side of the sleeping girl there, and then--
"If you enter the archives and the 'Door Crossing' occurs... that murderer will be in the room..."
If that were to happen, the madman would surely be puzzled by the disappearance of Subaru. But before he wandered the mansion looking for the missing Subaru, he would surely find a girl sleeping in a room. And how that indiscriminate killer would react to a girl with her defenseless sleeping face exposed - there was no need to think about it.
"So――!"
"It's too late now."
Subaru shouted angrily, trying to shake off the bad feeling that was rising inside him. Suddenly, the girl let out a painful murmur.
Subaru stiffened for just a moment as he saw Beatrice lower her eyes and shook her head. Then, his mind started to replay what she had said, and his thoughts stopped.
What did this girl just say?
"It's late... what do you mean?"
"I guess the reason you wanted to go back to that room has just disappeared."
"――――"
Beatrice responded calmly to Subaru's intermittent questions.
His throat tightened and his eyes widened to their limits, Subaru suddenly found himself collapsing to his knees, shoulders slumped, head down, and a terrible ringing in his ears reverberating inside his skull.
Pain, pain, forgotten pain is awakened, and the noise invades Subaru's consciousness. He honestly wishes that everything would be stirred up and swept away by that noise, and just disappear. He doesn't want to understand anything. He doesn't want to notice anything. And yet,
"Would you like to see my wounds? They look so painful I can't bear to look at them."
The girl came up to Subaru, who had collapsed to his knees, and grimaced as she noticed the injuries to his right arm, left side, and right shoulder. A faint glow covered the girl's palm, and the light was first focused on his right arm, which had been the most severely damaged. --Slowly, something similar to an itch spread through the arm, which had only ever felt hot, and with a tingling sound the muscle fibers began to resuscitate.
First the bleeding stops, then gradually, a membrane forms over the surface of the wound, and the damaged area is filled with cells that promote healing.
"It will take time for my hair to grow back to its original size, and most importantly, I doubt I'll ever get the fingers I lost back.... And the wounds on my waist and right shoulder too."
"...What, it's the same thing."
Subaru muttered, his voice husky and emotionless.
Beatrice, who had been concentrating on treating his wounds, frowned at the voice and held out her healing palm for Subaru to see,
"I'm reluctant, but I have no choice but to treat your wounds. I think Betty is the only one in this mansion who can heal wounds to this extent. You should be grateful."
"The wound... will it heal...? What? It's no good...?"
"If left untreated, it could be a life-threatening wound. I don't particularly care whether you live or die, but I don't want you to die here."
Closing one eye, Beatrice dismisses Subaru's words as nonsense uttered by his wounds, and gives a cold response as she continues her treatment. However,
"----!"
"Ah."
Feeling the healing waves filling his wounds, Subaru shook off his injured arm, making Beatrice let out a small cry of surprise.
Then, straining his trembling knees, he rolled to the side, making a huge mess on the floor of the Forbidden Library as he put some distance between him and the girl. As she looked his way, he glared back at her with a terrifying expression.
He let out a rough breath, and the stake that had been piercing his hip fell to the floor with his current movements. There was a high-pitched sound. The sound of accumulated water draining out, and blood overflowed from the wound. A river of blood ran down his thigh and onto the floor as he knelt. Subaru bared his fangs at Beatrice, who was watching the scene with bated breath.
"I don't need treatment for my wounds...! It doesn't matter if I live or die... Why are you trying to save me!?"
"That's because... you're so pathetic, I can't bear to watch you..."
"Why… why me?! If you were going to help me, and were just refusing to move, then why did you have to save Petra… Frederica?! With this strength of yours, you don't have to fight, you can just run away… no matter how much you have to do…!"
If it was "Door Crossing" that cuts off the connection between the outside world and the room, it should have been possible to confuse even Elsa, the relentless pursuer. If applied properly, there is no other skill more specialized for escape. Petra, who was too late to escape, Frederica, who went to stop them, and Rem, who was bedridden and unable to move――!
"You should have saved me...! I was stupid, I was weak... You should have been able to reach the places I couldn't reach... But at the same time..."
"Why would Betty do something like that...I don't think Betty has any reason to help the three people you mentioned. I don't know. That's none of my business."
「If that's the case...! That's a reason for you to help me, isn't it!?」
Beatrice shook her head in disapproval, denying Subaru's plea. Denying her denial after denial, Subaru slammed his half-healed right arm on the floor,
"When did you save them at the same time?! When did you save them at the same time?! Was it on a whim? If so, then why was it just me? What's the difference between me and the other three?! Rem has always been a good girl, Frederica had her own things she wanted to do...Petra was still young...Everyone was much older than me...! They had a reason to live...something worth living!"
"Value? Reason? Why should Betty have to respect such retroactive self-satisfaction? That's way too arrogant, human!"
"Then why are you acting so inconsistent?! You never even showed your face when I searched for you so much, and now you show your face at such a dangerous time…! If you don't see any value in me or that girl… you should have just stayed here, alone!!"
Why did it appear now, when it was all too late?
Although she should have been able to hide without letting anyone even notice her presence, if Elsa noticed something strange happening to Subaru, there was no guarantee that Beatrice's presence wouldn't be revealed.
If that were to happen, even this girl might end up being cut to pieces by that murderous blade. Why did he risk that risk by inviting himself in while he was half dead?
Why did I think about saving myself, someone who had given up on living and wanted to die?
"It doesn't matter if it's just a whim... If you have the intention to save me... If there's even a shred of intention to save me left... Right now... Kill me..."
"What is he going to say...?"
"Right now! Kill me! Before everything is overwritten, before the present moment in which everything is missed is confirmed! Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!!"
Spitting, spitting blood, and clawing at the floor with his lost right hand and remaining left hand, Subaru screamed and pleaded.
Before Subaru's meaning in life was completely lost, before the future he was about to enter would be irreversible if he simply continued to breathe and endure like this.
They scream out, wanting to end this useless, hopeless, powerless lump of incompetence.
But Beatrice would not accept the screams and pleas from that soul.
She shook her head, a look of confusion and disgust on her face.
「I don't understand, I don't understand. Don't you understand that you're a human? Why would you say something like that… why would you say something like that when you're still alive?」
"Saving a life isn't the only thing that counts!? Having a life is painful for me right now! It shouldn't exist, it shouldn't exist... If you're going to save me then..."
Without relying on others, I decided to take this miserable time into my own hands right now.
Seeing Subaru holding his breath in resolve, Beatrice let out a thin cry of "ah." Hearing this, Subaru stuck his tongue out without hesitation,
「――――!!」
He bit it off with all his might and committed suicide.
A sharp pain. It was different from the pain in my right arm, or the pain in my lower back and shoulder; it was on a completely different level. No matter how much I experienced it, I could never develop a tolerance to pain. Every wound, every pain, every place it comes from, is different, new, painful, difficult, and impossible to get used to. Pain always behaves equally as pain.
Blood overflows into his mouth, Subaru's eyes rolled up, and he collapses on the spot.
I collapsed, my vision started spinning, my limbs started shaking and I started having convulsions. I was in pain and my breath stopped. My severed tongue was blocking my throat and I was having difficulty breathing.
"--What the hell?"
It was not the kind of wound that would kill him instantly. A sharp, dull pain pierced his brain intermittently, his limbs trembled uncontrollably, and tears of pain ran down his cheeks. His tongue, half torn off, hung loosely at the corner of his lip, symbolizing the lack of determination Subaru had shown in his suicide.
This was the third time Subaru had chosen to commit suicide in this other world.
The first time was during the loop at the mansion, when she committed suicide in a determined attempt to get back something that could never be recovered.
The second time was when he ended the loop that had started in the royal capital, and committed suicide in a state of despair after realizing that he had missed out on Rem's existence. He stabbed himself with a knife to his throat, but nothing changed.
And then his third suicide - there was no guarantee he could go back, but Subaru couldn't continue living through this time. It was too heavy. It was impossible. So, even if he had to bet on a handful of possibilities, he would try to get back what he had missed out on -
"...Hey. Don't leave me here..."
A trembling voice called out to Subaru from somewhere in the world that was beginning to fade away.
Even that voice grew further and further away, and eventually disappeared.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
--When Subaru woke up, the first thing that assaulted his nostrils was the smell of dust.
"cormorant...?"
Subaru waited for his consciousness to awaken, and shook his head with his eyes still closed, realizing that he had woken up.
My body was lying on the floor. As I felt the cool, chilly earth all over my body, I vaguely remembered that my restart point was inside the tomb.
I sat up, opened my eyes in the dim light, and looked around. Having only just woken up, my vision was still unclear, and my eyes were blurred with tears, making it difficult to see what I was looking for.
However, it seems that he was able to "Return by Death" once again, which he found a relief. If the place he returned to was the Graveyard, then there was no change to his restart point.
During the Trials in the Tomb, the timeline begins immediately after Subaru has overcome the Trials and returned home. Emilia is found collapsed next to the room, and it should start with him waking her up.
"My head hurts..."
Rubbing his brow and shaking his head lightly, Subaru's mind raced as he tried to sort out the situation.
There were countless things I had to think about, but in the last loop, they had increased again. Now I can't think of a single plausible solution. Even the ray of hope I saw seems like a moth's light, luring me into a new trap.
It feels like I've tried to bypass the pitfall of despair only to fall into another one.
"And what a nasty one, with the added bonus of a sword mountain..."
It's not a bad analogy in the sense that it's fatal.
The "trials" of the "Sanctuary". Her relationship with Garfiel. The attack on the mansion. The mystery of why the reprieve that should have been there disappeared, and her desire for revenge against Elsa - finding a way to rescue Rem and the others.
Problems arise so frequently that they can make your head spin, but you are already fortunate to be given the opportunity to think about how to solve them.
It was a situation where I was almost ready to give up, thinking that this might be the end. Just being able to overcome that would be a great relief.
"It's tough having to treat Emilia like I don't know anything again, but--"
As he spoke, Subaru noticed his vision beginning to clear up. Sniffing at the stale smell, he realized he had to start by searching for Emilia.
Thinking this, I lightly placed my right hand on my forehead like a visor and finally realized.
--The fact that he was missing three fingers on his right hand.
"Wha――?! Huh?!"
Subaru's throat rumbled in shock as he found injuries that shouldn't have been there, scars that couldn't have been carried over. And then, his trembling eyes finally hit him with the reality that he had been looking at the world in a way that was too convenient for him.
Cold floors, dry stone walls. A musty smell. The space of the tomb Subaru had been looking for. But in reality, what lay before him was a corner of a library lined with shelves full of books, a room filled with the distinctive scent of aged parchment.
"Forbidden Library... what's wrong..."
It's puzzling that his body is still in the place where they said goodbye, and Subaru, assuming the worst, first checks his own body.
The worst possibility―― was that the moment Subaru stepped into the Forbidden Library, the world's repetition had been frozen in place.
Unable to hide his horror, Subaru stared at the right arm that was touching his face. Three fingers were missing, and his right arm was a third thinner than his left. However, the wounds on his arm had already healed, and the discolored, distorted flesh spoke of the fact that his body was in the process of regenerating.
There were no visible injuries on his lower back or right shoulder where the stake had been stuck, only a sensation of tightness in the skin and an occasional uncomfortable tightness remained.
At the very least, it couldn't have been the moment he stepped into the Forbidden Archives right after his injury. By a process of elimination, that left only one possibility.
"---You've finally woken up, I see."
For Subaru, who had now realised the truth, that was the last thing he wanted to hear.
The soprano had a calm demeanor and sounded tired of the world, yet was unable to lose interest and seemed to be seeking connection.
Sitting on the floor, Subaru shook his head.
Behind him, with a wish that he cannot quite let go, he seeks the illusion of a silver-haired girl. As if to shatter that illusion, a girl in a dress sits on a wooden stepladder.
Beatrice looked exactly the same as she did before she lost consciousness, looking down at Subaru with a book in her hands.
A sigh escaped her lips unconsciously. In front of Subaru, she closed the book with a clunk and slowly climbed down from the ladder.
"Your stupid actions have really caused me a lot of trouble. I've healed the wounds on your arm, shoulder, back, and tongue all at once. There shouldn't be any problems."
"..."
"I'm speechless at the fact that your life was spared. Well, if this teaches you a lesson, don't do anything stupid again..."
"You... do you know what you've done?"
"teeth...?"
Beatrice approached the silent Subaru while speaking words that sounded like she was grateful to him. The moment he called out to her in a hushed voice, and she grimaced,
"----!"
He stood up and grabbed Beatrice's heavily decorated dress with his outstretched left arm. "Ah," she said in surprise, and he pulled her closer, bringing his face close to hers as if to slam it against hers.
"Who asked you to help me?!"
"----ah"
"Do you know what you've done?! Because of you, everything has been ruined! Everything, everything that could have been done somehow, has been ruined because of you! Why didn't you just let him die?! If he had survived, what would have happened?! Huh?!"
Subaru would have earned the right to a second chance by literally risking his life.
However, his wish was blocked by the hand of the girl before him, and it never came to fruition. All that remained in Subaru's hands was an indescribable sense of loss, and an endless anger towards Beatrice.
Subaru: "I helped you on a whim, and even treated your wounds… is that enough for you? You want me to be grateful? Yes, thank you! Thanks to you, my life was saved! Even if I lost everything else but my life, at least my life was saved!"
"B-Betty just... just..."
"What's the point of saying this at this point? I can't express my gratitude to you at all!? Look down on me as if it's the most natural thing in the world with that calm and composed look on your face. You're good at it, right? You like it, right? Looking down on the common people and laughing at them――ahh."
Filled with all his hatred, his cheeks twisted in an ugly smile, Subaru pulled Beatrice close and hurled insults at her, acting shamefully in an attempt to bury the dissatisfaction, disappointment, and sense of loss that filled his heart. However, his words were suddenly cut off.
"-- Ugh."
"a..."
This was because when he grabbed the girl and pulled her close, he saw large tears spilling from her eyes.
The moment I saw it, the blood that had been rushing to my head quickly subsided, and I was filled with unbearable horror at the ugly, malicious thing I had just blurted out.
The loosened fingertips released Beatrice's body from the hatred, and the girl's body dropped as if pushed away, colliding with the bookshelf behind her and dropping to her knees.
An intense feeling of nausea rises up within me. I realize what I have blurted out and cannot bear the ugliness of it.
It was ugly. It was twisted. What else could it be but an act of venting one's anger? To Beatrice, who was unaware of the circumstances of "Return by Death," she had only healed Subaru's wounds when he was on the brink of death. She should be thanked as his savior, and there was no reason for her to be insulted.
His reason understood this, but his emotions would not accept it. Subaru was at the mercy of the two extreme emotions battling within him, but he still raised his head, feeling the need to say something to the collapsed Beatrice.
"No... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that... It's not your fault..."
If anyone was to blame, it was undoubtedly Subaru himself.
He knew what was coming, but he unwittingly stepped into the tiger's den and stepped on its tail. He made the people around him pay the price, and now he's boasting that he's the only one who deserves no criticism. That's just arrogance.
Emotionally, he felt like blaming her for not having enough information. He couldn't swallow the feelings he had about her having shown herself at that exact moment, despite having been hiding from Subaru.
But that at the very least, was no excuse for Subaru to loudly criticize her.
"I'm sorry. Thank you for healing my wounds. But I'm going to have to hurry up and..."
At the very least, he must disappear from her sight and choose to commit suicide somewhere else.
Subaru had no reason to continue in this world. He had lost too much here. He couldn't be strong enough to survive in a world where he had lost things that shouldn't have been lost.
So Subaru thanked Beatrice in few words, and as he was leaving the Forbidden Library, his eyes wandered――
"――――"
He noticed a black-bound book lying next to the collapsed Beatrice.
It had a plain cover. It was thickly made. It was about the size of a dictionary, and looked heavy enough to be difficult to carry around. All of these things were familiar to Subaru, and his eyes were glued to them.
Why is it here now?
"Because the Gospel is inside the dragon carriage... at hand, in the library..."
The Gospel of the Witch Cult that Petelgeuse had possessed was recovered as spoils and is now in Subaru's possession. However, it is not treated as a book to be stored in the library, but is merely stored with the utmost caution as it is of unknown use, and so there is no way it could be here.
Shaking his head at the incomprehensible situation, Subaru reaches out for the fallen gospel, hoping to find out what it contains and to dispel his fears. But,
"--No!"
As Subaru instinctively reached out his hand, Fukuin was snatched away from him.
He looked over to see Beatrice, her clothes disheveled and breathing heavily, holding the Gospel in both arms and walking away from Subaru. Taking some distance, she looked down at the Gospel in her arms, her throat tight with sobs, then let out a sigh of relief and traced the cover with her fingers.
That gesture, that gesture as if touching something dear, stirred up an awful feeling in Subaru,
"Why are you making such a big deal out of it?"
"..."
"Isn't that the book that the Witch Cult had…? Isn't it? It looks very similar, but it's not the same thing, right? They only kept me at a distance so that I wouldn't get the wrong idea because we looked so similar, right? You're right, I'm prone to jumping to conclusions, I'm very quick to jump to conclusions, I have a bad mouth, a mean look in my eyes, and a twisted personality…"
"..."
"Hey――deny it."
Subaru quickly begins to explain his defense of her, but Beatrice remains silent. In the end, Subaru ends up saying words that sound like nothing more than a plea.
In front of Subaru, Beatrice let out a small sigh and thrust the book she was holding in both hands forward so that Subaru could see it,
"It's just as you imagined. This is gospel. The same thing you say those members of the Witch Cult have in their hands; a guide to happiness. A foundation for life. The one and only truth, I believe."
"W-why... do you have something like that? Where did you buy it? It's too lucky an item to tell you the future. How much of a game balance would it be to have a strategy guide in real life... hey, hey."
"...I wonder if Betty has been instructed to answer that question."
Subaru asked in a trembling voice, and Beatrice flipped through the pages and told him coldly. As the girl lowered her eyes to the book's contents, Subaru felt his tongue go numb,
"So unless it's exactly as the book says, you're not going to do anything?"
"That question isn't even in the book."
"You healed my wounds? And you hid me in the Forbidden Library when I was about to be killed."
"I wonder if that question is even in the book."
"Who is talking to me right now? Who saved me when I tried to kill myself...?"
"--i don't know"
With her eyes lowered to the book, Beatrice simply replied emotionlessly.
Seeing that doll-like appearance and emotionless attitude, Subaru was overcome with fear that made his lungs spasm, and with dizziness that made him forget how to breathe, and he cried out.
"So everything has to be exactly as the book says?"
"…I wonder. That's right. I wonder if everything will be guided by the gospel. Doing so is Betty's meaning in life, and that's the only reason she's here."
"So you saved me like this because the book said you should? You saved me when I was nearly dead in the Forest of Magical Beasts! You tried to help me when my heart was worn down! All the times we messed around, yelled at each other, and acted like idiots... All of this without your will being there... Is that really what you were trying to say?!"
"So... that's what I'm saying!!"
Subaru's words were pleading. Beatrice, face red with rage, shouted at him. She stepped forward and pointed at Subaru,
"Everything Betty has done, seen, and said up until now has been recorded here. You... there's no way someone like you could ever change Betty's heart. Stop being so arrogant, human."
"――――"
"Betty will do what Betty wants, fulfill the meaning of her existence. Her life, her time, she has devoted everything to that, and she is doing this just to do that. I can't stand to have that denied by someone like you…!!"
"Bear..."
Beatrice's emotions began to overflow as if a dam had burst. She quickly tried to call out to him, but was interrupted by a sudden feeling of pressure coming from in front of her.
Subaru stepped back as he felt a sudden gust of wind, and realized that his body was unable to resist as he was being pushed towards the door of the room. --If it continued like this, he'd be thrown outside.
"Stop... Beatrice!"
"Betty does everything for her mother! Her connection with her mother is everything to her! I don't know anything about you... I don't know..."
"――――"
"I don't know. I hate it. I hate it. -- I hate it!"
Shaking his head, Subaru hid his face overflowing with tears as the girl screamed, sending Subaru flying.
The door opens. The space is trying to push Subaru away from the Forbidden Library. Subaru's right arm grabs onto the edge of the door. However, three fingers are missing. He barely manages to support himself with just his index finger, but he only has a few seconds to spare.
Subaru raised his head and tried to call out to the crying girl.
"Beatrie――!"
"...Mr. Usagi."
Drowned out by the faint voice, Subaru's words did not reach her.
Blown away. Disappeared. Space distorted, and Subaru's body was ejected from where it should have been to where it shouldn't have been.
"――――"
The door slammed shut, the pounding wind stopped, and silence fell over the library.
The girl was left behind. With a sobbing face, she walked slowly to the back of the room - her usual spot on the stepladder, where she unsteadily sat down, hugging her knees and opening the gospel with trembling fingertips. And then,
"Why...Betty, nothing..."
Standing in front of the blank page with nothing written on it, her sobs continued to echo in the silent room.