--The moment he was dragged out the door, Subaru felt as if he was floating upside down.
"--Ogh?!"
He fell backwards onto the hard ground, gasping in agony as the air was squeezed out of his lungs. He rolled across the floor at the same speed, crashing into a wall and finally coming to a halt. Feeling as if he was being thrown, Subaru shook his head and raised his head, eyes wide with pain,
"Beatrice..."
He called out the name of the girl he had never been able to call before, but it no longer reached her. The "Door Crossing" had been completed, and an impassable gap had been created between the two of them. Her rejection was loud and deep, and Subaru's voice could not reach her.
"Why do I always...?"
Is it only after you have failed, after you have chosen the worst, most terrible option, that you can realize the mistake you have made?
Even though I wish only for the best means, the best future, why do I always feel lacking, weak, and foolish?
"Why you have to tell me the gospel... Who are you...?"
The black bound book she was holding - the presence of the Gospel - created a decisive distance between her and me.
Subaru had firmly believed, at least to a certain extent, that there was indeed "something" that had been built between him and Beatrice in the short time they had spent together.
Even though they were exchanging hateful remarks and giving each other displeased looks whenever they saw each other, Subaru alone believed that there was something more to it than just ending there.
It was an assumption. An over-confidence. A completely wrong misconception.
Beatrice's stubborn belief that there must be someone like Subaru was the product of her own self-righteousness, and her feelings towards him were only literal. She had only accompanied Subaru as commanded by the Gospel, and only in order to complete her own mission, but in her heart she disliked and hated him.
"...Is that really true?"
Having been told that the bond he thought existed was an illusion, Subaru wanted to deny it, but Beatrice cut him off with an angry voice.
She confirmed that Subaru's imagination was a fake bond, that her heart had not been shaken by Subaru's existence in any way, and that everything up to this point had been solely due to a sense of duty.
Subaru: "All that laughing, all that anger, all that trying to protect me… everything was just a scripted lie… is that it?"
That couldn't be possible, Subaru's weak heart still wanted to deny it. At the last moment, Beatrice's tearful voice as they parted ways clouded any suspicion of the truth of her words.
It's still too early to draw any conclusions on my own.
"Whether it's as the book says or whatever, I remember that you saved me... that remains a fact, a debt that only I know about."
In the loop that began at the mansion, Subaru was saved by Beatrice many times.
After "Return by Death," he frequently visited her library to gather his thoughts, and when he was cursed by a demonic beast, she literally saved his life by praying for an exorcism. In the lost world of the loop, Subaru was pursued by Ram and Roswaal after Rem's death, and she even misinterpreted the empty contract to come and protect him.
That greatest debt of gratitude no longer remains in this world, but only in Subaru's heart.
"At that time... I was happy."
Subaru had been convinced that he no longer had a single ally, and yet he was saved by this.
Subaru had been worn down after considering both Rem and Ram his enemies, unable to fully read Roswaal's intentions, and even unable to fully trust Emilia, and it was only Beatrice who saved him.
How much that temporary contract had saved Subaru at that time, it was a debt of gratitude he could never fully repay, something that could not be expressed in words.
"I will repay my debt. I don't know if you lent it to me of your own accord, or if you were respecting the book's wishes... so please find out."
He could no longer clearly question her, as she had made up her mind to reject Subaru. Therefore, Subaru's resolve had no meaning in this world, and would be carried over to the next.
I lifted my right hand. My hand was missing three fingers. My stiff shoulders and back. My head had been hit. My tongue had shortened slightly. None of these were forgettable pains.
Rem was there behind my closed eyes. Then Petra and Frederica appeared, then Beatrice with her back to me, and finally Emilia appeared.
—Everything that Subaru had missed out on in this world, everything that he had been unable to grasp.
In order to get it back, he will do whatever he can. He will do what he couldn't because Beatrice prevented it from happening, and jump into the spiral once more.
"――――"
Stretching out his shortened tongue, Subaru prepared to bite off again.
When I think of my failed attempt at suicide once, the pain comes back to me and I feel scared. I feel weak and my legs shake. "Resolve" is just a play on words, and in the face of the end, it has no value.
Overcoming those negative emotions, Subaru pushed through the greatest negative emotion of facing death. And as if praying to be able to go back in time to start all over again, Subaru closed his eyes for his final moments.
"...Where am I?"
He finally realized that the place he'd arrived at after passing through the Door Crossing was unfamiliar.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
To Subaru, it was an unknown space that did not seem like the familiar Roswaal mansion.
The damp cobblestones, the filthy walls covered in thick ivy, the messy arrangement of desks and rusted metal objects - what looked like tools - all created an unpleasant sensation from the visual information.
And above all,
"cormorant--!?"
Once you notice it, you can't help but be aware of the strong, stench.
The stench was different from that of rotting food waste, but it could only be described as putrid, and it made Subaru feel like vomiting, so he put his hand to his mouth and squeezed out gastric juices from his empty stomach.
Subaru vomited yellowish onto the floor and breathed heavily as he glared at his surroundings. The more he looked, the more unfamiliar the space became, and even more than being unknown, the otherness stood out.
The space was a dimly lit room paved with stone, the size of two of the guest rooms in Roswaal Mansion. It wasn't particularly spacious, but it wasn't exactly cramped either.
In one corner of the room was a desk and mysterious equipment scattered about, and opposite the desk - in the space that took up the majority of the room,
"A broken desk and a crystal...? A crystal or a piece of magic ore? And this hole..."
Looking down, he saw the remains of a destroyed desk and powerless magic ores scattered all over the place, and beyond that was a hole about four meters in diameter. Even ignoring the lack of light sources, the hole was so deep that the bottom could not be seen.
I suddenly looked up and saw that the moss emitting a pale blue light was glowing from its surface. It grows in clusters in forests and seems to have the property of absorbing the mana in the air and glowing, so even in the forests around the mansion, it's possible to avoid complete darkness by relying on starlight and the light from the moss.
I crawled along the ground, mindful of the light from the moss, and peered down at the bottom of the hole, feeling disgusted by the feeling of my trousers getting wet and the mucus staining my palms.
A quiet, cold wind was rising from the bottom, carrying with it a stench so terrible it would crook your nose - no, it would crush your nose.
"Uh... Ugh. I guess I was right not to have the courage to peek inside... What's that smell?"
If this was the distinctive fishy smell of something that once contained life, Subaru's imagination might have imagined the worst possible outcome, but the stench that was flowing in was different to that of rotting meat or water;
It was that kind of non-biological smell that reached me from the bottom of the dark hole: the unbearable, painful irritation I get in my nostrils when I smell a strong-smelling chemical.
"--- the rest."
Giving up, both physically and mentally, on seeing the bottom of the hole, Subaru wiped the tip of his nose and, consciously breathing through his mouth, looked around the room.
The most noticeable thing was the remains of a desk and the dregs of magic stones lying at my feet. The iron desk had been crushed by a tremendous impact, and the magic stones had apparently been piled on top of it. When I turned the bent desk over, I noticed that there was a pattern carved into the top of the desk.
"It looks like a magic circle..."
Such magic circles are a kind of staple in fantasy otherworldly worlds, but I don't recall ever seeing one since coming to this world. Basically, magic in this world interferes with the outside world through the bodies of living things, and aside from a few exceptions like magic lamps and magic devices, I have never come across anything like it.
That's why I was so surprised when I discovered the magic circle,
"Does it actually have any effect? Even if it does, why would they place a magic circle in a place like this...?"
It may be that magic could not be activated directly, or that it had the effect of receiving magic from a distance. It may also be a system for performing some kind of magic formula continuously without the caster.
"Then that explains why there's an empty magic ore lying around nearby."
The most logical explanation is that the magic circle lost its effectiveness as a result of the magic ore being emptied from its external energy tank. Even with this conclusion, the true nature of the hole and the destroyed desk remain unclear. It is possible that the magic formula was designed to cause the entire room to explode if it was interrupted.
However,
"In the end, the question of where we are remains unanswered."
It was a dark hole, and it was unclear how far it continued. There was a magic circle and magic ore that looked like some kind of ritual had been performed. Observing the room that reeked of a putrid stench, he picked up another desk and tool lying in the corner - metal fittings covered in red rust.
It resembled a pair of pliers or nippers, roughly the sort of tools used for making plastic models. It was also covered in the same mucus that was staining the floor, and more than anything, it was weathered to the point that it seemed to have crumbled into dust at the edges where Subaru touched it, indicating how long it had been since it had been used.
Not only the tools but the desk was in the same state; their legs had broken due to aging and they were already on the verge of turning to dust after being exposed to too much wind, and the moment someone lightly placed their foot on them they lost their shape and turned into scrap metal.
There is no information available from here. The only thing that bothers me is,
"The way it broke and when it broke are quite different from the desk in front of the hole..."
Unlike the desks here, which had weakened over time and were soon to collapse, the desks beside the hole had clearly been twisted by the force of the destruction, and judging by the state of the destroyed scaffolding, it could be inferred that the destruction had occurred very recently - within just a few days.
"The broken room...who did it for and why...?"
Asking this question, Subaru suddenly felt that his thoughts were ridiculous.
What should he do about this question that has arisen? It doesn't seem like the kind of thing that can be answered by thinking about it, and more than anything, Subaru's problems are already too numerous to bear with both hands.
Furthermore, he had to avoid doing anything that would hasten the collapse, such as stuffing small items into the gaps between his luggage. Above all, the act of directing his attention elsewhere in this way was unbearable, as it felt like a desperate attempt to postpone his imminent suicide.
But even though he understood those irresistible feelings of shame, the strangeness of this room still gripped Subaru. Right now, he was witnessing something incredibly important.
"――――"
Guided by this unanswered certainty, Subaru turned his head around, searching for an exit from the room. Since it had been "Door Crossing" that had thrown Subaru here, it was impossible that he had been thrown into a room with a door that couldn't be opened or closed.
Sure enough, Subaru found the door that had roughly dropped him into the room - a small opening and closing door attached to the top of the wall, likely for ventilation purposes.
Other than that, there was no other door that looked like an entrance or exit to the room. The official door was probably on the other side of the collapsed hole - on the opposite side of the room where no one could come or go.
The moment he accepted this fact, Subaru abandoned the option of choosing a legitimate means of escape. He wiped the sweat and mysterious mucus from his palms off onto his trousers, took a small breath, and reached out his fingers towards the door in question.
The door is so tall that you have to stretch to reach it, and its size is best compared to a dust chute. It's not so narrow that a person can't get through, but the Subaru isn't so delicate that you can just walk through it with ease.
With great difficulty, using the strength of his right hand, which lacked fingers, he opened the rusty door with a creak and began to move through the narrow passageway. It was a narrow space like an air vent. At worst, he had considered the possibility that it could be a breeding ground for insects or mice, but it was surprisingly clean - although not clean, the dusty passageway was not the least bit clean, and the only relief was that there was no sign of any living creatures.
It took about three minutes to get through the narrow path. By the end, I was getting used to crawling forward, and my movements were becoming smoother when I reached the goal. I landed in the same way in the room connected to the previous one by the ventilation shaft, and quickly checked my surroundings. I was extremely careful to see if there were any similar holes, but...
"This room has a different feel to it. Compared to the laboratory-like room, this one feels more like a waiting room."
The room was about half the size of the previous room, but then cut in half again. It was set up as a room to simply pass through, as there were no objects other than two doors that could be passed through by walking on the ground. It truly was a room that looked like a waiting room.
If there had been some magazines and chairs placed there, it would have been a perfect arrangement, but--
"Looking at the direction we came from, it must be on the other side of this door... I thought so."
Twisting the creaking doorknob and pushing it open, a hole opened up right in front of him as the foothold collapsed. Subaru sighed softly at the deathtrap he was in, and closed the door, which barely served any purpose, for mental health reasons. --The stench had crept into the room as well, and he regretted his late decision.
Then, he shook his head slightly and headed towards the opposite door. Beyond this door was surely an unidentified space for Subaru――
"...!"
Naturally, the sweat I had wiped away started to flow onto my palms, and I couldn't help the cold sweat running down my back.
I didn't know what was on the other side of this door, but I needed to imagine what might be there in the worst case scenario.
"If this is... inside the mansion..."
Though it was an unfamiliar room, it wouldn't be strange if he opened the door and found Erza right in front of him as soon as he stepped out. And Subaru had no confidence that he would be able to keep his cool if he were to face his murderer.
The intense desire to commit suicide, the need to die as soon as possible, is transformed into a hatred that reminds one of the feeling of having one's teeth crushed.
Just the thought that the crazy person who had used that blade to kill Petra, Frederica - and Rem - might be there caused Subaru to become so mad that his brain felt like it was boiling.
A cursed feeling that yearned for her to be there, and a shameful yearning for her not to be there. Swinging between these two extreme emotions, Subaru let a nasty smile form on his lips,
"――――"
Whether he was there or not, his crazy emotions could not betray him.
Faced with the world that was the result of such insane thinking,
"----ah"
Witnessing a scene that should not have happened, Subaru lost his senses in that moment.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
—In Subaru's mind, the question of where this unfamiliar space was had actually been answered.
To begin with, there was almost no place in the Roswaal Mansion that Subaru had not set foot in, and even the Forbidden Archives was in a sense something he could freely enter and exit, so there was an unknown possibility for him - if there was one that remained, it was none other than the door of the "escape route" that he had put his hand against twice, but was unable to see beyond.
The first time, he was blocked by a grey-furred spirit, and the second time, in this loop, he was forced to retreat after coming face to face with a murderer. Therefore, Subaru has never once looked beyond that door.
So, even though he was suspicious of the place that consisted of a series of rooms with unknown uses, he had no doubt that the place was part of the Roswaal Mansion,
"Where... is this?"
Standing stunned, he simply raised a question in a goofy voice to no one in particular.
In front of Subaru, beyond the open door lay a cold, dark underground passageーー but rather, it was surrounded by lush green trees and nature, and strangely enough,
"Oh, morning...?"
Looking up through the gaps in the trees, I could see the sun rising. From the height of the sunlight and the feeling of the wind, I knew it was an early morning breeze, and further suspicions stirred in my mind.
Subaru had returned to the mansion just before dusk, and considering the passage of time following his conversations with Petra and Frederica, as well as the attack on Elsa, Subaru's injury occurred just before night fell - and now, nearly half a day had passed.
"While you were unconscious, huh...?!"
Once, when he bit off his tongue and decided to commit suicide, Subaru lost consciousness. When he woke up again, he forgot to be conscious because his injuries had been healed and he was so filled with regret for not being able to die, but how long had Subaru been unconscious in the Forbidden Library?
I remember Beatrice boasting that the place was "a place cut off from the passage of time." I don't know how much credibility there was to that claim, but...
"If this keeps happening and the data gets overwritten...!"
This will be a terrible situation.
Before the situation he had feared so many times became reality, Subaru had to end his own life as soon as possible. He couldn't, but there was another emotion that asserted its presence, as if hitting its forehead against that sense of irritation. That emotion was crying out:
I need to confirm where this place is.
I don't know what the point of that is. Looking back at what has happened so far, and considering the cruelty of "Return by Death," I should commit suicide right now.
However, the extremely calm part of Subaru had suggested this after fully understanding the situation he was in.
"--Damn it!"
Kicking the ground and spitting, Subaru steps towards the forest in front of him. As he rushes through the gaps between the trees, the conversation he had with Petra comes to mind.
The evacuation route leads to a mountain hut in the mountains behind the mansion, and in the event of an evacuation, people would escape from there with their emergency supplies.
If I believe his words, then the place I'm currently in is the mountain hut, and the place I'm running in is the mountain behind it, which I've been to many times before. However,
"Is that a mountain hut? Where are the evacuation bags? And in the first place… what kind of relief measures would be left in a place that looks like it's been abandoned for such a long time…!?"
All that Subaru had seen at the place was an unidentifiable space and a number of physical evidences that confirmed his bad premonition. There were very few points that matched what Petra had described. Above all, if Frederica or Rem had been regularly maintaining it, there was no way to explain the state of deterioration of the place. Subaru knew the work of those two maids well enough to say that with confidence.
As I run through the forest, I start to wonder about the lack of slope. How could a cabin that should be in the mountains be built in a place with no slope for a hundred meters around? I start to lose track of where I am, and my frustration grows that I can't see properly in the first place.
And the tipping point of frustration and distrust that had arisen was broken much sooner than expected.
The trees cleared and the view suddenly became clear, and the Subaru started to skid, slowing to a halt. The surface, which was too rough to be called paved, was evidence of the many people passing by, and even more than that, the rows of houses, even from a distance, made it clear that this was a land inhabited by people.
Seeing them, Subaru's thoughts were finally entangled in genuine astonishment.
Because this view was――
"S-"Sanctuary"?!"
It was a place where I had said goodbye half a day earlier and estimated it would take me a full day to return.
In fear, I raised my right hand. There were missing fingers. They were missing. 『Return by Death』 had not been activated. And yet, I found myself standing in a place where I shouldn't be.
"Why... are you here? Is the 'Door Crossing' the reason...?"
There is no other answer.
Subaru had been sent by Beatrice from the mansion's forbidden library to a corner of the Sanctuary via "Door Crossing". But how did this come about?
"Distance doesn't matter... right? No, it's true that I was once teleported from the mansion to the village stables..."
In terms of distance, that distance was still within the acceptable range for a teleportation, but considering the distance between the Sanctuary and the mansion, traveling such a long distance was clearly beyond imagination and common sense.
Subaru swallowed the fact that he had just witnessed such extraordinary, supernatural powers, and, scratching his head, he forced his thoughts to himself,
"Anyway! If you're in the Sanctuary now... Roswaal!!"
I'll run back to that clown and make him spill all his thoughts.
Roswaal had treated Beatrice well at the mansion, and as a demon he would surely know her true identity, and even the reason why she had obtained the Gospel.
He knew everything, and yet he still tried to toy with the ignorant Subaru, so be it. He would punch him in the nose, and even if he was burned and cut to pieces, he would bite into his throat and make him spit everything out.
"----!"
Right at that moment, Subaru forgot about the restriction of having to kill himself and ran, his thoughts red with rage, to the edge of the village, to the building where Roswaal was sleeping.
Subaru's speed had become the embodiment of rage, and as he ferociously ran through the Sanctuary, his body forgot about his fatigue and pain, leading him to his destination.
Kicking the door open, Subaru barged into the house, baring his fangs.
"Roswaal! Show your face! I have a mountain of questions I want to ask you!"
Subaru charged in with a rage that could have earned him a beating from the maids around him, and the first thing he said was a fierce tirade. There was no response from inside the room, so Subaru stomped towards the bedroom, violently slammed open the last door,
"I won't deny it, and I won't lie. I'll tell you everything I've been hiding..."
"Shall I have it?" Subaru was about to continue when his voice was cut off.
It was a complaint that condensed all of his frustrations, but there was no one in the room to hear it.
The fact that he had disappeared caused even more anger to boil in his brain. Kicking the bed with all his might, Subaru dashed out of the building, his anger building up even more in his already painful toes.
If he was there, he was at Lewes' house - either meeting with Emilia, or visiting Lewes or Garfiel. Either way, it was impressive how brave he was to spring into action as soon as Subaru had disappeared. The timing was perfect, leading one to suspect that he had been faking his injuries when they weren't actually serious.
Once doubts begin, a never-ending spiral of negative emotions follows. With his thoughts dominated by them, Subaru glared at the Sanctuary with a sharp gaze - and once again, Subaru came to an understanding too late.
"...a?"
It was early morning, and as far as Subaru knew, this was the time when the Sanctuary's residents would start preparing breakfast and doing laundry on a normal day. With the refugees gone, there was no need for soup kitchens, but each household still needed to cook rice.
But there is no sign of any of that daily life.
"It's not just Roswaal and the others...where did everyone go?"
No matter where I look, I can't see a single soul.
Thinking about it, from the moment he left the forest and returned to the Sanctuary, he had no memory of passing or seeing anyone on the way here.
Even taking into consideration that the absolute number of residents in the Sanctuary was not that large, how unlikely was it to have attracted attention, running through the middle of the village and not seeing a soul?
"That can't be true..."
Shaking his head, Subaru knocked on the door of the nearest house, trying to shake off the bad feeling. After knocking and making sure there was still no response, he opened the door and peered inside. --There was no one there.
There were supposed to be two animal-eared women living in this house, sisters.
And so, as far as his memory could recall, Subaru had looked into each and every house that caught his eye, but each time his expectations were betrayed and his disappointment grew.
There was no one to be seen, no people anywhere. The Sanctuary had lost all traces of humanity.
"Someone! Someone's there! Where did they go!?"
The bad feelings are piling up.
I felt a sense of unease, this inexplicable sense of loss, that I was familiar with.
It was during the battle with the Witch Cult that Subaru, who had returned to Aram Village late and unprepared, remembered the carnage that greeted him: piles of corpses, countless dead faces of pain and despair, familiar faces that had lost their color, and Petra, who had collapsed and would never move again.
"---Ah!"
Fear ran up Subaru's spine, and he took off running, pushed by an unstoppable sense of anxiety. Leaving a shriek-like voice, Subaru headed towards only one place.
On the edge of the village, a particularly impressive building. It was one of the few indications of respect shown to the chief of this sanctuary, and now it was the sleeping quarters of a single girl who had rented the space.
"--Emilia!!"
Subaru jumped in, calling out the name of his beloved girl as he looked around the room.
The silver-haired girl looked back at Subaru with sleepy eyes, blinked several times, looked surprised, then said, "Good morning, Subaru," with a smile so strong it made his heart ache――
"――――"
The place where he was supposed to look back at me was, however, deserted.
I run to the bed and reach out to touch the disheveled sheets. There's no warmth there, and it seems like a long time has passed since whoever was sleeping there left.
Confirming that, Subaru rushes out of the house, his feet now on his final refuge, a place that might give him the answer to this situation, this incomprehensible injustice.
"Ha... ha...!"
Out of breath, with the taste of blood in the back of his throat, Subaru ran to the very heart of the Sanctuary, to the tomb where Echidna, the Witch of Greed, rests.
Along the way, Garfiel, who was supposed to be sitting down, interfered with them, but he was nowhere to be seen and they arrived right in front of the tomb. Was that a relief, or was it better to see the familiar figure of Garfiel, even if he had been obstructed?
"No...how dare you do that..."
How could he show his face in such a disgrace, having been unable to save his only sister?
Although I felt a sense of relief that they weren't there, and an unbearable sense of frustration that no one could be found, the fact that I was unaware of my own weakness was extremely ugly and disgusting.
Shaking his head, Subaru dismissed his sentimentality and headed towards the tomb before anyone could interrupt him.
It was not yet time for the Trial to begin, but perhaps the Witch would take some kind of action. Hoping for this, and clinging to it, Subaru sought out the Witch who might be able to give him an answer to his question――
"--K-hu."
The moment he took a step, Subaru felt something pass through his body.
I slowly looked down. Below my chest, above my lower abdomen, right in the middle of my torso - there was a huge, round hole the size of my fist.
"Huh...huh?"
He reaches out his hand and places it over the hole. A huge amount of blood spurts out of the hole with a loud noise. He quickly blocks it with his palm, but the hole has penetrated his body and opened up on his back as well. He is unable to stop both, and his body, which has already lost too much blood, is no longer able to maintain its position and he collapses.
--No pain. I can't understand. What happened?
Death. Die. I was going to die. I knew death was coming soon.
Why, how, did it come to this. Elsa? Did she follow Subaru all the way here? How far was the mansion and the Sanctuary? Beatrice, no way. Gospel. Why was she. Rem. Who would do this. Die. Scary. What. Who. Emilia. Witch. Witch. Demon――.
"----ah"
My vision begins to blur. The end begins to approach.
His expected death had come in an unexpected way. Subaru felt no relief that he had finally died. He simply and wholeheartedly feared death.
Even if you say you have resolved to die, if death comes along a different path than you resolved to, this is what happens. Your mind is in turmoil, your craving for a shameful life screams out, and your soul refuses to be torn away from the world - but even so, "death" slowly eats away at Subaru,
"-- too weak."
Subaru's heartbeat came to a stop as the feeling of his own helplessness ran down his cheeks.
His face was distorted with pain and fear, and no one noticed the pitifulness of his death.
"----!"
It was chewed noisily.