Rei just wanted a sandwich.
That was it.
Just bread. Maybe some meat. Something resembling lettuce. He was even willing to gamble on the "Mystery Mayo" after last week's "Wasabi Whip Incident" that sent three students to the infirmary and gave one the ability to smell betrayal.
But no.
Because today, fate—or more accurately, a certain dragon yandere—had other plans.
The cafeteria was abuzz. Students swarmed the serving line like starving hyenas in enchanted robes. Elemental spells were used not to battle enemies, but to keep soup warm or levitate trays. A sword duel had just broken out near the fruit station over the last apple.
Amidst this madness, Rei stood, eyes locked on a steaming tray of something that vaguely resembled edible curry.
"Almost there," he muttered, shuffling forward.
Then, she appeared.
Not one of his she's.
This was a random she. A perky second-year girl with peach-colored hair, cat ears, and a giggle that could pierce reinforced moral defenses.
She leaned close. Too close.
"Hi~ Are you that new noble transfer?" she purred, batting her lashes. "You've got this mysterious, slightly traumatized aura. It's really hot."
Rei stiffened.
He could feel it.
Somewhere—somehow—the temperature dropped by ten degrees.
Then rose by sixty.
Someone screamed, "THE SKY IS MELTING!"
Elsewhere: Observation Deck
Lilia's teacup shattered in her hand. "A rival... has been born."
Rosette looked up from her surveillance crystal, whispering, "Cafeteria. Sector Four. Flirt Detected."
Velveria drew a heart-shaped dagger. "I'll handle the dismemberment."
Back at Ground Zero
Rei barely had time to turn before the air shimmered.
A shadow fell across the cafeteria, blotting out the enchanted skylights. Students froze. Sporks stopped mid-air. Even the curry looked up in alarm.
BOOM.
The double doors burst open, unhinging from their frames, as she entered.
Drakana. Seven feet of pure muscle, fire-forged wrath, and very little chill. Her eyes glowed molten gold, her tail crackled with sparks, and her wings—yes, wings, she'd stopped hiding them by now—unfurled like war banners.
She walked through the chaos, step by step, until she reached the flirting catgirl.
"Oh?" Drakana said, voice deceptively soft. "You're talking to my mate?"
The girl blinked innocently. "Oh, I didn't know he was taken~"
Drakana's smile was pure extinction.
Rei held up a hand. "Drakana. Please don't—"
She exhaled.
A small exhale, really.
But when a dragon exhales, "small" is relative.
The blast of fire that followed wasn't even her full breath. More like a sneeze.
It still vaporized the curry station, turned the dessert corner into crème brûlée, and melted three spoons into modern art.
[System Alert: You are now within the blast radius of Jealous Rage Lv. 5.]
[Cafeteria Status: 92% Incinerated]
[You have been flagged as: HUSBAND UNDER FIRE. Nearby yanderes will respond accordingly.]
Rei dove behind the salad bar.
The salad bar caught fire.
He dove into the mop closet.
The mop tried to strangle him.
[System Notification: You are experiencing Environmental Betrayal.]
Principal's Office – Ten Minutes Later
Rei sat in a smoking chair.
Next to him sat Drakana, arms crossed, tail tapping with zero remorse.
The Principal, an elderly elf with a forehead vein visibly throbbing, stared them both down.
"I suppose you think this is funny."
Rei, covered in lettuce ash and pudding soot, deadpanned, "I'd be laughing if I wasn't afraid to breathe."
"Do you know how much that cafeteria cost?!"
Drakana tilted her head. "More or less than my honor?"
The Principal inhaled deeply.
"You are—" he flipped a glowing clipboard "—number six on the 'Top Ten Most Expelled-Worthy Students.'"
Rei blinked. "Who's number one?"
"Your maid."
"…Oh."
That Evening
Rei limped into his temporary dorm, now partially rebuilt after the last explosion caused by "unauthorized faction warfare" among his wives.
Spy-chan the pillow blinked at him sympathetically.
He collapsed on the bed.
"System… tell me this wasn't the worst day."
[System Evaluation: Today ranks #4 in the Top Ten Most Death-Adjacent Lunches.]
[You survived. Technically.]
[Reward: +1 Fire Resistance, and +10 Infamy with Cafeteria Staff.]
Rei groaned.
A knock came at the door.
It opened.
Drakana entered, holding a tray.
"I salvaged this before the fire reached the custard."
She offered him a bowl of something vaguely caramel-colored.
Rei stared. "It's… not on fire."
"Progress," she said proudly.
He sighed and took it. "Thank you. Just… promise me next time, use your words, not your infernos."
Drakana blinked. "Words?"
"Yes."
"Like, 'Back off, he's mine,' instead of melting furniture."
She tilted her head.
"...But melting is faster."
"Please."
She gave a toothy grin. "Fine. I'll try."
Later That Night
Spy-chan recorded everything, of course. And later transmitted it via secret rune network to Rosette, who compiled it in the "Daily Husband Interaction Archive – Vol. 3: Fiery Edition."
Velveria sobbed over the lost pudding supply.
Lilia held a candlelight vigil for the cafeteria's fallen eggs.
And in the deepest corners of the Academy, posters began to appear.
"JOIN THE DRAGON FACTION – FLIRT WITH HUSBAND AT YOUR OWN RISK."
To be continued…
[System Summary:]
Chapter Complete – "Drakana Incinerates the Cafeteria"
Damage Report: 47 tables, 123 trays, 1 honor restored, 0 sanity preserved
New Title Acquired: "Lunch Line Lothario"
System Note: Congratulations. You are officially banned from unsupervised dining.