It was 8:00 AM at the Royal Magic Academy. The sky was blue, the birds were singing, and the student body was blissfully unaware that an intercontinental romantic war was about to erupt in homeroom.
Rei sat at his desk, pale and trembling.
He hadn't slept.
He couldn't sleep.
Not with Rosette literally perched upside-down from his ceiling fan like a crimson-eyed gargoyle, whispering "inhale… exhale…" every ten seconds to monitor his breathing rate.
When the alarm rang, it wasn't the chime of a school bell.
It was a scream.
[System Notification: Welcome to Day 2!]
[Mission Objective: Attend First Class Without Triggering a Blood Ritual]
[Warning: System Probability Analysis — 0.01% Success Rate. Have Fun~]
Rei adjusted his tie with the blank expression of a war veteran. "Maybe today… maybe today it'll be normal."
Just as the thought crossed his mind, the door to Class 1-A slammed open with magical force.
A girl stepped inside, her golden curls bouncing, her smile saintly.
"Greetings, everyone! My name is Lily A. Heavenbloom! I'm just a sweet, normal transfer student who definitely does not have a personal vendetta against every woman in this room!"
Rei's jaw dropped.
Lilia.
Wearing heart-shaped glasses. With a fake birthmark drawn under her eye. Holding a forged student scroll that looked like it had been printed in crayon.
The homeroom teacher blinked.
"Oh, a transfer. Hmm. Odd, I wasn't informed…"
Lilia stepped forward with radiant confidence. "It's probably a divine oversight. You know how the gods are."
The teacher shrugged. "Fair enough. Seat 3-B."
Rei facepalmed.
[System Notification: Wife #1 Has Entered the Field]
[Code Name: Lily A. Heavenbloom — Class Buff: "Blessing of Passive-Aggression"]
Not three seconds later, the door burst open again.
BOOM.
A flame-wreathed girl marched through the smoke. Scales shimmered on her arms. Her uniform looked like it had been stapled to her body. Behind her, several walls were on fire.
"I'm Draka Flamewing. I transferred here because someone told me there was a male student in need of aggressive love and illegal cuddles."
"WHAT?!" Rei cried.
Draka threw a clawed hand at the ceiling. "Also, I challenge all weaklings to a dominance duel. Starting with whoever looks at my husband!"
A girl coughed politely. "I… I was just blinking—"
Draka tackled her through a desk.
[System Notification: Wife #2 Has Entered the Battlefield]
[Code Name: Draka Flamewing — Class Buff: "Roar of Jealousy (AoE 30m)"]
A faint chill swept through the room.
Moments later, the lights dimmed. A third girl emerged through the floorboards, gliding silently like a ghost. Long dark hair. Empty eyes. Black uniform with red trim.
She hovered to Rei's desk, pressed a tracker crystal into his sleeve, then vanished into the ceiling like a bat.
The class screamed.
Rei did not.
He was used to this now.
The homeroom teacher held up a trembling hand. "Who… who was that?"
A whisper echoed from the vents. "Rosette. Transfer student. Hobby: Breathing in harmony with my soulmate."
[System Alert: Wife #3 Has Materialized]
[Code Name: Rosette Shadowsong — Class Buff: "Silence Is Consent"]
Rei reached into his bag and pulled out a note labeled "In Case of Wife Invasion: Plan A". He opened it.
It was blank.
"Damn it, past me!"
The door gently opened this time. A girl in a pristine white dress stepped in, holding a violin case and a bouquet of holy lilies. Her hair was snow-white, her skin fair, and her aura holy enough to trigger confessions from nearby demons.
"I'm Sera Luminia. I'm definitely not the Princess of the Church of Eternal Light. I'm just a humble girl seeking normal school experiences. Also, I brought lunch for my darling."
She set a basket labeled "Blessed Bento for Future Husband" on Rei's desk.
Rei felt his last functioning brain cell sob in despair.
[System Notification: Wife #4 Has Descended]
[Code Name: Sera Luminia — Class Buff: "Smiting Aura (Friendly Fire Disabled… Probably)"]
Before Rei could even scream, a gust of wind slammed the windows open.
A blood-red bat flew in.
It twirled midair, exploded into mist, and reformed into a noblewoman in gothic frills. She adjusted her hat, curtsied, and looked directly at Rei.
"Good morning, peasants. I am Vel. I drink blood. I breathe fashion. I own his left thigh. Any questions?"
A boy raised his hand.
"Yes?" Vel smiled.
"Whose thigh?"
"Mine." Vel appeared behind him and bit his ear.
[System Notification: Wife #5 Has Landed]
[Code Name: Velveria Scarletgrave — Class Buff: "Blood Pact: Eternal Possession (No Refunds)"]
The room was silent.
Until—
Lilia stood, dramatically pointing at Velveria. "You used your real name! That's cheating!"
Velveria bared fangs. "At least I didn't show up with a fake mole and holy schizophrenia!"
"Girls," Draka interrupted. "Let's settle this the traditional way."
Sera smiled beatifically. "A duel?"
"No," Draka grinned. "A massive multi-girl magical showdown of doom."
The teacher finally stood up. "NOW HOLD ON—"
BOOM.
Too late.
Ten Minutes Later
The classroom was gone.
Half the school was a crater.
Students ran screaming in all directions as flaming hearts, holy chains, blood bats, cursed shadows, and divine light spells turned the Royal Magic Academy into the world's most dysfunctional wedding reception.
Velveria and Lilia had each summoned a magical golem resembling Rei's face. They were now fighting over whose golem had the more accurate jawline.
Sera was using holy chains to bind anyone who "looked suspiciously single."
Draka was chasing every male professor, demanding to know what they taught and if their subject could make her hotter in front of Rei.
Rosette… had disappeared. But several people found red ribbons tied around their necks with the words "Don't Speak To Him."
In the middle of the chaos, Rei sat in a still-standing fountain. Wet. Burnt. And holding a bento box.
The bento opened itself.
Inside was a love note in glitter:
"Eat this and think of me~ – Love, Wife #4."
[System Notification: You Have Survived the First Period Massacre]
[New Title Unlocked: "Harem Host of Magical Catastrophe"]
[System Sarcasm Level: Maximum.]
[Mental Stability: -35]
Rei looked up at the ruined sky.
"I just wanted to learn algebra…"
The sky exploded into the words: "YOU'RE MINE."
Rei stood up, soaked and twitching.
"…I'm going to the nurse's office."
To be continued…