The sky was suspiciously blue.
The birds sang in perfect harmony.
The magical creatures of the Royal Academy's courtyard pranced like extras in a musical.
And Rei, freshly bandaged from the previous dorm explosion, squinted at it all with justified paranoia.
"…This reeks of foreshadowing."
He trudged toward Spell Theory 101, cradling a still-smoking textbook like it owed him money. His bag had been mysteriously laced with thorns, and a singing flower had tried to propose to him on the stairs.
The System, unhelpfully, had already labeled this a "High Risk" day.
[System Alert: Warning. Emotional Hostility Levels Campus-wide: 98%.]
[Forecast: Heavy yandere pressure with scattered acts of sabotage. Chance of accidental engagement: 76%.]
He groaned.
He hadn't even stepped into class yet.
Classroom 2-A – Spell Theory 101
Professor Birchwood was a seasoned mage with a reputation for being both brilliant and terrifyingly strict. Her glasses gleamed with the rage of twenty years of teaching hormonal mages. She wore robes that swirled like a thundercloud and heels that could summon fear in demons.
She was also, by all accounts, entirely uninterested in romance.
So when she entered class and walked directly up to Rei—bypassing forty-two startled students—and said:
"Rei Everhart. I must confess something to you,"
—it was fair that time seemed to stop.
Rei blinked. "Huh?"
Professor Birchwood's cheeks turned an alarming shade of pink.
Her voice trembled. "I… I've watched you… from afar… through the attendance lists…"
[System Panic Mode: ACTIVATED.]
[System Scan: Anomaly Detected – Forbidden Curse Signature Present.]
[Cursed Object Identified: Tampered Love Letter – Class C Binding Affection Enchantment (Delirium Grade).]
[System Theory: Someone cursed a love letter and slipped it into the professor's robes. You are now the unwilling target of temporary, highly illegal faculty obsession.]
[System Suggestion: Run.]
Professor Birchwood leaned closer, her tone breathy.
"You've always scored so high on the written tests. So diligent. So—dominant."
Rei flipped his desk and ran.
"CLASS DISMISSED!" he shrieked.
Behind him, desks shattered, books exploded, and the professor declared her undying love in fluent Elvish, Draconic, and High Romantic Spirit Speech.
Campus – 9 Minutes Later
Rei sprinted through the hallways like a man on fire.
Which was, at the time, accurate. One of the defensive spells had mistaken him for a pervert and lit his trousers on magical flame.
Students screamed. Magical security systems activated. The giant love-sculpture of Professor Birchwood holding a rose emerged from the ground like a nightmare golem.
[System Emergency Quest: Survive for 48 Hours Without Getting Caught or Engaged by Cursed Faculty Member.]
[Reward: Immunity Potion + 1 Free Therapist Visit]
He ducked behind a statue of a saintly archmage.
A magical pigeon looked down at him and shook its head disapprovingly.
"Of course," Rei whispered. "Of course someone cursed a love letter. That's a totally normal way to start the semester."
"Found you~"
He froze.
Professor Birchwood floated above, on a flying desk throne made of floating books and glowing chalk. Her eyes sparkled. Her voice trembled with… forbidden desire.
"You forgot your homework… my sweet boy~"
Rei screamed and dove through a stained glass window.
Day 1 – Survival Timer: 41 Hours Remaining
Rei barricaded himself inside the student kitchen, clutching a ladle and whispering into a stack of bread like it was a phone.
"System. Please. Anything. A disguise, a portal, a coma. I'll take a coma."
[System Denial: You have used all your Emergency Coma Coupons. Try getting exploded again.]
[System Tip: Cursed Love Letters are notoriously contagious. Anyone reading it might be affected. Be advised: Casual handling may cause mass hysteria.]
Rei paled.
"…System. Where's the letter now?"
[System Scan: Cursed Object is currently in transit.]
A pause.
[Destination: Faculty Lounge.]
"Oh no," Rei said.
"Oh YES," cackled Professor Birchwood from behind the microwave.
He yeeted the microwave and fled again.
Meanwhile – In the Shadows
Rosette stood atop a rooftop, watching Rei flee with professional detachment.
"Fascinating," she murmured, eyes narrowed. "A low-tier curse. Childish. Sloppy."
A dark-cloaked first-year approached her with trembling hands.
"M-Miss Rosette, we… we found this in his locker…"
Rosette took the paper.
It was another letter.
Written in blood. Sealed with a kiss.
Her eye twitched.
"Velveria," she hissed.
The vampire was escalating.
Elsewhere – Vampire Territory
Velveria sipped blood-tea with elegant satisfaction.
"The first curse was merely a distraction. The true test begins tonight…"
She looked to her undead familiar, a bat named Peebles.
"Deliver the next phase."
The bat saluted and flew out with a tiny top hat.
Back to Rei – Hiding in the School Fountain
He had not bathed. He had not eaten. He had not blinked in twelve minutes.
"System. What's the status now?"
[System Scan: Six faculty members now believe they are in love with you.]
[System Emergency Level: Imminent Engagement Cascade]
[System Snark: You're the most eligible bachelor since that one elf prince got cursed and married a tree.]
"Why does this keep happening to me?" Rei cried.
Behind him, the statue in the fountain blinked.
It was alive.
It whispered, "Love me."
Rei fainted.
Day 2 – Survival Timer: 18 Hours Left
Rei woke up under a tarp, surrounded by magical squirrels.
He was being nursed back to health by the school's illegal underground Nurse Club.
"Take this. It's anti-lust serum mixed with sarcasm extract."
He chugged it.
The nurse blinked. "Side effect: you'll be unable to speak in anything but passive-aggressive poetry for twelve hours."
Rei stood.
"Thanks," he said. "My life is a flaming carriage of chaos."
"...Poetic."
Final Stretch – 3 Hours Left
The school was in chaos.
Cursed letters were now everywhere. Professors, students, even the janitor were swooning after Rei.
The sky turned pink.
He was down to his last hope: Hide in the cursed broom closet, which no one dared open since it tried to marry a goat.
He curled up, whispering into the floor.
"If anyone finds me… tell my five wives I blame them equally."
A whisper.
"Oh, we know~"
The door opened.
All five yandere wives stood there, glowing with barely suppressed violence.
Lilia smiled sweetly. "You're cheating on us with teachers, darling?"
Sera sniffled. "Do you like older women now?"
Drakana cracked her knuckles. "I'm going to burn the faculty lounge."
Rosette held up a defused curse bomb. "Took care of the amateur spells. But now it's time for punishment."
Velveria descended upside down from the ceiling.
"I've already filed engagement contracts for the next reincarnation cycle. You're mine."
Rei held up his hands. "I DID NOTHING."
[System Note: Technically correct. But I also placed bets on how fast you'd snap. You lasted longer than I thought. Congrats.]
The girls stepped in.
The closet exploded.
Again.
Infirmary (Again)
Rei stared at the ceiling.
Nurse handed him another potion.
He sighed "System…".
[Yes?]
"I hate this school."
[System Notification: You have survived your first sabotage. Expect more soon.]
[Reward: Cursed Love Immunity + 1 Suspicious Cookie]
"Can I eat the cookie?"
[No.]
To be continued…