The infirmary bed was suspiciously soft.
Suspiciously warm.
Suspiciously… alive.
Rei awoke groggily, blinking at the ceiling as the faint smell of burnt velvet and cursed chocolate lingered in the air from the previous day's "teacher confession apocalypse." His limbs ached, his hair had been mysteriously braided into a heart shape, and someone had drawn a tally on his neck in crimson lipstick.
At this point, it was just another Monday.
He groaned and turned over—only to feel his pillow tremble.
He froze.
The pillow trembled again.
"…System."
[System Scan: Unknown Magical Signature Detected.]
[Lifeform Classification: Animate Surveillance Construct – Class B Sentient Object.]
[Designation: Spy-chan. Owner: Rosette the Maid. Status: Watching you sleep since 03:12 AM.]
Rei's face contorted with existential despair. "It's alive?!"
The pillow let out a soft, muffled "Nyaa~"
Rei threw it across the room.
It bounced off the wall, landed gracefully on the nearby shelf, turned slightly… and continued to stare at him.
Wide, stitched button-eyes blinked.
Rei backed up to the edge of the bed. "I'm being watched by a cursed pillow named Spy-chan?!"
[System Notification: Correction – Highly advanced surveillance pillow. Not cursed. Possibly clingy.]
"IT JUST PURRED."
[System Fact: Some surveillance objects develop personalities when in close contact with high-yandere environments. Spy-chan is now emotionally attached to you. Congratulations.]
Spy-chan wiggled suggestively.
Rei screamed into his blanket.
Two Hours Earlier
Rosette crouched in the shadows of the infirmary, dressed in her standard black-and-white maid uniform, which somehow absorbed light itself. She whispered to her squad of combat squirrels, who saluted with silent efficiency.
"Operation Pillow Penetration is a go."
She placed the final rune into the seams of the enchanted cushion with surgical precision. It shimmered.
"Spy-chan," Rosette murmured, "you are now his guardian… and his confessor."
Spy-chan blinked once.
It mewed once.
It was ready.
Present – Back in the Infirmary
Rei was now dangling from the ceiling chandelier by his belt, staring down at the cursed object below.
Spy-chan sat on the bed. Innocent. Round. Demonic.
"System… tell me how to uninstall a sentient pillow."
[System Suggestion: Burn it.]
[System Warning: Burning Spy-chan may trigger Owner Rage Event: Rosette Edition™.]
He gulped. "Alternative suggestions?"
[System Suggestion: Accept it as your fluffy companion and whisper your secrets to it at night.]
[System Note: Spy-chan rates your sleep quality 3/10.]
"What do you mean 3/10?!"
Spy-chan held up a tiny sign written in adorable cursive:
"You kick in your sleep and mumble other girls' names."
Rei paled. "That traitorous sack of cotton—!"
The infirmary doors creaked open.
Rosette stepped in, dusting imaginary lint off her maid gloves.
"Good morning, Young Master," she said in that calm, utterly emotionless tone that somehow felt more dangerous than any death threat.
"You named the pillow Spy-chan." Rei pointed accusingly. "It stared into my soul."
Rosette nodded. "Yes. And it reported that your soul is… messy."
Spy-chan squeaked in agreement.
"I have the right to a private pillow!" Rei argued.
"You lost that right when you triggered five romantic flags in one day," she replied smoothly. "Spy-chan is here to prevent further incidents."
"And spy on me."
"Yes. But lovingly."
Later – Rei's Dorm Room (Rebuilt After Chapter 83 Explosion)
Rei arrived at his new dorm room and opened the door cautiously.
The first thing he noticed: Spy-chan was already sitting on the bed.
The second: An entire network of cute, plushy objects scattered across the room.
A stuffed rabbit wearing a maid hat.
A singing magical cat doll perched by the window.
A toothbrush with eyes.
"…No."
[System Notification: Welcome to the Rosette Surveillance Network™]
[Total Monitored Objects: 17]
[Privacy Level: Imaginary]
He picked up the toothbrush. "You too?!"
It blinked.
"Rei~" it whispered, in Rosette's voice. "Remember to floss."
He threw it out the window.
Rosette appeared instantly beside him.
"You forgot your surveillance toothbrush," she said, holding it out.
"I am NOT brushing my teeth while being watched."
Rosette tilted her head. "Then would you prefer I do it for you?"
"WHAT?!"
Spy-chan purred.
That Night. Rei sat cross-legged on his bed, staring at the wall.
Spy-chan rested on his lap.
He had tried to throw it into the hallway three times. It always returned.
He had tried flushing it. It refused.
He tried talking to it.
"So... do you have feelings, or are you just possessed?"
Spy-chan responded by rolling slightly and pressing its fluffy self against his chest like a child asking for cuddles.
He sighed.
"…Fine. One night. But you don't get blanket privileges."
Spy-chan burrowed into his shirt.
"YOU VIOLATED THE TREATY."
[System Notification: Spy-chan's affection level has increased to 'Clingy Marshmallow.' Special Skill Unlocked – Emotional Aura Detection.]
"What does that mean?"
[System Sarcasm Mode: Oh, nothing. Just that now the pillow can detect incoming yandere threats faster than you can blink. Basically, your soft FBI agent.]
"…Okay. That actually sounds kind of useful."
Spy-chan beeped.
Rei blinked. "Wait, why is it beeping?"
[System Warning: Yandere Aura Detected – Approaching from three hallways simultaneously.]
Cut To – The Door Exploding
The door to the dorm burst open in a hail of roses, love letters, and a faint chorus of "He Belongs to Me!"
Standing in the doorway were all five wives, glowing with competitive fury.
Lilia: "Time for your nightly cuddle audit."
Sera: "I brought cookies… that may or may not contain honesty serum."
Drakana: "WHO IS THE STUFFED COMPETITION?!"
Velveria: "You've been cheating on me… with fluff?"
Rosette: Calmly sipping tea from a cup labeled Surveillance is Love.
Rei pointed at Spy-chan. "I told you this was your fault!"
Spy-chan held up a sign:
"Initiating Evasion Protocol: Pillow Fort Defense System!"
Blankets exploded into the air.
Sheets coiled like serpents.
Pillows piled themselves into a fortress around Rei at rapid speed.
The girls blinked.
Lilia smiled.
"…Challenge accepted."
Two Hours Later – The Pillow Fort Is On Fire
Rei poked his head out of the ashes.
Spy-chan rested on his head, lightly singed.
The toothbrush was being used by Velveria to brush his hair.
Rosette stood atop the ruins, satisfied.
[System Notification: Spy-chan has survived its first wife storm. Loyalty increased. Trustworthiness: Debatable.]
Rei lay back in the rubble. "I just want one normal day."
Spy-chan held up a new sign:
"Not happening, Darling~"
To be continued…